Arion Ater Agg: The Black Slug May 22, 2010

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Twenty-seven thousand teeth,

no shell above but slime beneath,

their appetite’s beyond belief,

they eat their weight each day.

And if you grow azaleas

or try your hand at dahlias,

you’ll soon grow used to failure,

they’ll munch your blooms away.

It doesn’t matter what you do,

they’ll always get one up on you.

They’ll crunch on leaves the whole night through

and strip your garden bare.

And even if you spent the night

with salt and spade, prepared to fight,

they’ll wipe the floor with you, alright,

you haven’t got a prayer.

Don’t be upset, don’t look folorn,

abandon beds and plant a lawn;

you’ll never have to dread the dawn,

for slugs don’t dine on grass.

They’ll soon give up and move next door.

Though mowing lawns can be a bore,

you’ll stay slug-free, forever more,

and sleep, in peace, at last.

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Paul Hughes 2010

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photo: http://pensbyetal.blogspot.com/2008_07_01_archive.html

Escargot? No! July 13, 2008

Sidney the slug said to Bertie the bug

“I wish I’d been born as a snail!

Just give me a shell (and some lettuce as well)

and I’ll dance on the tip of my tail!”

 

“It’s really unfair and, what’s worse, no-one cares”

said Sidney with tears in his eyes.

“The snail looks cute in his spiral shell-suit,

but I am just hated, despised!”

 

“For snails eat flowers and nibble for hours

on radishes, cabbage and kale.

we’re really the same and yet I get the blame,

for nobody dislikes a snail”

 

Bertie sat crying and stammered, replying

“it’s no use to blame evolution.

We’ll find Snail Stan, he will help (if he can)

to think of a simple solution.”

 

Stan was found munching and crunching his lunch in

the flowerbed next to the marrows.

He said “there’s a chance that my cousin in France

will have a spare shell you could borrow!”

 

The very next day they set sail for Calais

and travelled by train to Dijon.

They found cousin Lee in the shade of a tree

and they asked for a shell to try on.

 

The seventeenth shell seemed to fit very well;

Sidney danced on the tip of his tail.

“I feel like a King in this gastropod bling!

Oh, show me a more handsome snail!”

 

But on his way home he was caught by Jerome

and pan-fried in garlic and butter.

“Resist being vain, it brings nothing but pain!”

were the last words Bert heard Sidney mutter.

 

 

 

 

Paul Hughes 2008