Have you ever eaten wood or munched a traffic cone?
Or chomped on nails and paperclips while sucking lumps of stone?
Perhaps you eat remote controls or chew on metal foil
And wash it down with axle grease or dirty engine oil?
By now you’re thinking: “what a fool to ask such silly questions
Why is this man so stupid? That would give me indigestion!”
But listen up, I speak the truth, my brother eats this stuff
He hates his food all soft and smooth, he likes it to be tough
Now, yesterday he ate a lamp and mother’s coffee table
Before he was electrocuted, chewing through a cable
So now he lies in hospital, we don’t know if he’ll make it
They try to give him medicine, if only he would take it
He’s eaten his heart monitor and swallowed nurse’s sandals
He even ate a wooden door, complete with both its handles
Lying on the floor he has no pillow for his head
He ate it for his breakfast and for lunch he ate his bed
I daren’t visit anymore, it’s nearly time for tea
There’s nothing left for him to eat except, that is, for me!
Paul Hughes 2008
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