I’m fed up with people! August 7, 2008

 

I’m fed up with people, I am!

I really do hate what I’m eating.

 I scream: “give me pork, beef or lamb!”

My parents just give me a beating.

I long for tomatoes, asparagus spears,

but all I am given is roast leg and ears.

We never get veggies or fresh fruit for tea,

‘cause cannibals only eat people, you see!

I dream of red apples, bananas and ham

I’m fed up with people, I am!

 

Paul Hughes 2008

Walking Tall with Cannibals March 27, 2008

  

I’ve seen chimpanzees and lemurs on the moon

all-a-dancing whilst gorillas play bassoon

I’ve heard apples debate Plato

with a wise old baked potato

but I’ve never heard a lemon sing in tune

 

But none of this compares with what I saw

as I woke up with a scream at ten to four

there were pygmies round my bed

pointing spears right at my head

and I found their smell too dreadful to ignore

 

The leader of this frightful troupe

had plans to boil me up for soup

he looked me up and down with hungry eyes

but when he saw my skinny frame

he snorted that he would refrain

from eating such an unappealing prize

 

Unhappy with his attitude

I asked him not to be so rude

explaining that I really was a treat

“I think I would taste rather nice

be my guest, do try a slice

I wager that I’m very good to eat”

 

But still he wasn’t satisfied

and so I went downstairs and fried

my liver in a rather lovely sauce

again, he said he wasn’t sure

and feared he’d have to try some more

and so I groaned and cooked another course

 

A buttock roast and eyes on toast

he liked my battered ears the most

I felt as if he’d finally come round

and, sure as eggs, he was quite full

he shook my hand and said “dear Paul

you’re quite the nicest meal that I have found”

 

The moral of this horrid verse:

rejection’s bad, acceptance worse

within an hour or two I’d fallen dead

but if you are a hungry man

there’s lots of me left in the pan

and in the fridge you’ll find a loaf of bread.

 

Paul Hughes 2008