Apples and pizza and cherries and cheese,
our Lord, you’re a generous giver!
But what’s with the broccoli, spinach and peas
asparagus, cabbage and liver?
.
We’re honestly grateful, we know you mean well.
We hope you won’t think it a sin
and send us to Satan to suffer in Hell,
for chucking this muck in the bin!
.
Paul Hughes 2010
You say you retired. But, no, you were fired!
I warned you, I told you to stop, see?
For you’re in the habit of kissing the rabbit.
You nincompoop, falling for Flopsy!
You’re washed up and finished, a dog in disgrace.
You’re meant to chase rabbits, not nuzzle her face!
No wonder you always came last in the race!
You dunderhead, falling for Flopsy!
.
Perhaps if you begged them they’d let you go back.
You simpleton, falling for Flopsy!
She came from, you know, the wrong side of the track,
all snuffly, cutsie and hopsy.
You can’t love the rabbit, she’s no good for you.
There really was only one thing I could do!
So tell me now, did you enjoy your meat stew?
You idiot, falling for Flopsy!
.
Paul Hughes 2010
It’s driving me crackers,
the thought of the knackers,
I’ll end up as Pedigree Chum!
So, “Why the long face?”
Well, I lose every race.
It’s hardly surprising I’m glum.
Just look at my jockey,
short-sighted and stocky,
too lumpy a load for a horse!
I lurch from the gate
with his back-breaking weight
to find he can’t follow the course.
The last time he rode me
he took the main road and we
ended up on the M4.
We didn’t get far,
I was hit by a car.
My body can’t take any more!
I hear that they’re planning
to send me for canning.
I could have been famous, a winner.
But now they’ll just bin me,
they’ll dice me and tin me,
and serve me to Spot for his dinner…
.
Paul Hughes
“Would you like to admire my bottom?
Although I know everyone’s got ‘em,
mine is so white,
no, you’ll not see the like
on an ostrich, a lion, or possum!”
.
“I think,” said the zebra, “we’ve seen it!
And may I suggest that you clean it?
It’s grubby and wide!
See my dazzling hide?
It has its own tickbird to preen it!”
.
They argued through luncheon and dinner,
with neither emerging as winner.
Soon it was night,
with a fire for light,
Baboon shouted “stop, or I’ll skin yer!”
.
But Zebra refused to be quiet
“You’re ugly, you ape! Don’t deny it!”
They started to fight.
With a scratch and a bite,
they kicked up a terrible riot.
.
They tumbled and fought in a craze.
The campfire crackled and blazed.
They fell in the flames,
such a terrible shame,
and neither recovered for days.
.
That’s why, so the San tribe has said,
the Zebra’s not white. No, instead,
he’s blackened in stripes
of a permanent type
and baboon’s big bottom is red.
.
Paul Hughes 2010
.
The San Tribe is the modern name for the people who were once called “Bushmen.” Their stories about animals are fantastic.
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