The hunt for the Wallagaroo! August 25, 2010

“The wonderful Wallagaroo,” said Bear,

“the colourful Wallagaroo!

His head is bright yellow, his legs are sky blue.

I’ll hunt him and catch him, that’s what I shall do,

I’ll drag the beast out of his lair,

he said.

I’ll drag the beast out of his lair!”

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“The mythical Wallagaroo?” Cow jeered,

“Banana-shaped Wallagaroo?

As fake as the yeti and unicorns too,

only believed in by dimwits like YOU!

Find him and bring him back here!”

she laughed.

“Find him and bring him back here!”

.

“Dear magical Wallagaroo,” called Bear,

“Oh velvety Wallagaroo?”

He hunted him high and he hunted him low,

he hunted through deserts, he tracked him through snow.

The Wallagaroo wasn’t there!

Nor there.

The Wallagaroo wasn’t there!

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“Incredible Wallagaroo!” sighed Bear,

“my flappy-eared Wallagaroo!

I’ve looked in the park and in Debenhams too,

He’s not in the café, he’s not in the zoo.”

He set off for home in despair.

Poor Bear!

He set off for home in despair.

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“Peculiar Wallagaroo?” gasped Bear.

“Oh waggy – tailed Wallagaroo?”

He’d nearly reached home when he saw, on the coast,

the Wallagaroo eating sardines on toast

and brushing his beautiful hair.

He was

sat brushing his beautiful hair!

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“So speedy my Wallagaroo,” Bear cried

“my cheetah-like Wallagaroo!”

He chased him but Wallagaroo was too quick

he ran and he ran but he made himself sick.

“I’ll catch you with Cow by my side,”

he swore.

“I’ll catch you with Cow by my side!”

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A mischievious Wallagaroo, and how!

Intelligent Wallagaroo!

He raced past the bear and hung fish from a tree

the Bear ate them up just as quick as can be

and ran home to wake up the Cow.

He did,

he ran home to wake up the Cow!

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“The marvellous Wallagaroo!” Bear said

“Please help catch the Wallagaroo!

He’s out where the fish grow on conifer trees!

I beg you, please help!” He fell down on his knees!

“You’re mad! Get away from my bed!”

Cow said

“You’re mad, get away from my bed!”

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“Troublesome Wallagaroo” wept Bear

“That maddening Wallagaroo!”

“I’ll hunt him through China, Tibet and through Spain”

but nobody listened, they thought him insane.

“I tell you, he’s out there, I swear”

said Bear

“The Wallagaroo, he is there!”

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Paul Hughes 2010

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Picture: www.pencilsandpaper.com

My Body is a “Somebody!” August 21, 2010

My ears just rang, to tell me

I’m the hero of the games!

I’ve won a dozen medals?

One of Britain’s greatest names?

I couldn’t understand it,

“But I’ve spent the day in bed?!”

“Not all of you!” my ears replied,

and this is what they said:

“Your mind was racing as you slept,

and meanwhile, in the pool,

your stomach did the butterfly.

Your skin, it did the crawl!

Thank goodness that you’ve caught a cold,

your nose was very runny.

It ran so well it won the gold

and lots and lots of money!

the crowd went mad! Oh, what a sight,

the cheers, the flags unfurling!

Your heart, it leapt and raced all night.

Your toes were champs at curling!

We only failed at volleyball.

The team tried hard to win it,

but didn’t do too well at all,

your heart just wasn’t in it!”

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Paul Hughes 2010

Police Dog On The Run! August 20, 2010

The dog’s at large, Sir,

don’t you fret.

I’ll track him down tomorrow.

Honest, Sarge, I’ll catch him yet!

I’ve got a lead to follow!

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Paul Hughes 2010

Tough Love August 18, 2010

I tremble softly at your touch

and can hide nothing.

All that I am I give to you

in a close, unspoken, marriage.

But you take me for granted.

You don’t understand me.

You barely spare me a thought,

except when you need me.

Yes, you want me now,

you thirst for me.

You’re nothing without me.

I am both servant and master.

.

I have travelled so far to be with you.

Take me as I am

and forget my troubled past.

I remember still,

how rock gave way

and cities fell

before my power.

Gently, I caressed

and raging I destroyed.

Revered, I was feared,

needed but hated by all.

.

But for now, I am at peace.

I’m not as I used to be.

Enjoy me! Tamed, I am yours.

Let me turn another page

in my timeless, tempestuous journey.

We will travel together.

Drink!

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Paul Hughes 2010

The Magic Potion August 14, 2010

To make this magic potion we need Alligator skin,

a Bumble bee, a black Cat’s miaow, some Dog food from a tin.

Please fetch an Egg, a Flea’s left leg, the horn from a Gnu,

and don’t forget the Hippo’s tongue, a dash of pepper too!

Dice an Inchworm, mix it with a smelly Jellied eel!

Grate a whole Koala bear and add some Lemon peel!

Then we’ll need a Micro-frog, a Nanny-goat, an Owl.

Fry them with a pixie’s ear, a Platypus’ scowl.

Thinly slice a Quagga’s stripe and boil a black-Rat’s squeak.

Stir it all together with a Swan’s bright orange beak!

Next we add the Tiger’s tooth with wing of Vampire bat,

a Wombat hair, an X-ray fish, a Yard ant’s bowler hat.

Last we pour in Zebra juice. That’s it, the potion’s done.

I think I’ll have a taste right now, the witching hour’s begun!

But wait, there’s something missing! Something quite important too!

Ah yes, that’s it! Oh, silly me, the missing thing is U!

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Paul Hughes 2010

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Photo from: www.fundraw.com

Self-doubt in a Sprout, Ennui in a Pea… August 13, 2010

“They always reject me, they simply expect me

to sit on the edge of the plate!

I’m tasty, believe me, but children just leave me

to wallow in gravy, nobody can save me.

How cold and unwelcome a fate!”

.

“My vegetable friends, it must come to an end.

I shall jump from this cliff to my doom.

I’m tired of crying and sighing, by dying

I’ll end the rejection, my self-introspection

and put a full stop to my gloom!”

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“There’s simply no doubt,” said the Pea to the Sprout,

“we’re not a great hit with the kids.

Tomato and Spinach, let’s join him, we’re finished!

We’ll link hands and leap to the watery deep

and dance our last dance with the squid!”

.

I heard all this talk as I went for my walk

and couldn’t believe what I’d heard.

I sat down beside them and gently, to chide them,

I said “it would seem that such poor self-esteem

is truly, quite simply, absurd!”

.

“It would be such a waste of your wonderful taste

to throw yourselves into the sea.

There’s much more to life than a fork and a knife.

It’s foolish to wish for success in a dish.

I beg of you, listen to me!”

.

I told them a tale of the trumpet-nosed whale,

the hop of the Wallagaroo,

the race of the ant with the rhinocerphant,

the black and white trunk of the elephaskunk

and other beasts found in the zoo.

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They listened, entranced, as I spoke of my dance

with crocodiles, under the moon.

I told them I’d sat and played chess with a cat,

who made quite a scene when I captured his queen

and sang a sad song, out of tune.

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In time Pea concluded “we’ve been so deluded!

Your stories are beautifully told!

There’s so much to see, let us go! Follow me!”

But hungry, I took them. I diced them and cooked them.

and ate them, before they went cold.

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Paul Hughes, 2010

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Picture from: http://moveurbody.com/top-10-fitness-halloween-costumes/

It came to the Crunch at the Cannibal’s Lunch! August 13, 2010

 

Oh mother, you know that I love you.

I generally do what you say,

but this time I really can’t bear to.

I can’t and I shan’t, so, no way!

For Tom Green has always been friendly,

and Sal Green is awfully kind.

The thought of it simply offends me.

I’ve freed them, I hope you don’t mind!

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His mother’s face curdled with fury.

She screamed in a terrible rage.

Her yells could be heard in Missouri.

She stuffed his friends back in their cage.

Her husband came running “My darling!

Please tell me what all this noise means!”

She answered, still growling and snarling.

“That naughty boy won’t eat his Greens!”

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Paul Hughes 2010

A Boxer Boxed! August 10, 2010

Basher Bill, the boxing champ, retired undefeated.

But there’s one fight he didn’t win, for death would not be cheated.

The very last to box him was his local undertaker.

Laid low, at last, our Basher Bill went up to meet his maker.

And for his epitaph they wrote: “No need to count to ten!

I’ve had my chips, I’m down and out, I won’t get up again!”

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Paul Hughes 2010

Sports Day: I’d better run! August 8, 2010

I don’t know why they’re crying,

it’s not as if they’re dying!

So what if I’ve been knotting all their laces?

No, Jonathon’s not dead!

I only whacked his head,

so he’d be too concussed to win the races.

Ha! Timothy’s not really ill,

he only took one sleeping pill!

I read the packet, that’s the right amount.

And yes, I hid their running shoes

It doesn’t matter if they lose!

You told me taking part is all that counts!

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Paul Hughes 2010

The Invitation August 7, 2010

My friend, see the moon! Yes, the bells will chime soon,

the hour of midnight draws near.

The night lies before us, come dance to the chorus

and cast off your primitive fear.

The thought of the dead fills the living with dread,

but you are, I feel, open minded.

I pity the fools who would shrink from a ghoul.

Their hunger for life leaves them blinded.

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Come to the dance, won’t you give it a chance?

There’s so much to learn from the night.

We’ll revel in gloom with the folk from the tombs

and bathe in the moon’s frosty light.

We’ll flit with the bats and converse with black cats,

we’ll chant with the spirits of Hades.

And if you behave you can dig your own grave,

or dance with Count Dracula’s ladies.

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I see it excites you, so come! I invite you!

Let’s fly to the cemetery ball.

It’s simply depraved how I love a fresh grave,

the welcoming earth of its walls.

You think there’s a catch? OK, open the latch.

You really should let me come in.

Oh no, it won’t sting. No, you won’t feel a thing

as my fangs pierce your beautiful skin…

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Paul Hughes 2010

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Photo courtesy of: http://www.shootsandvines.com/?m=20090612

“Let’s Pick Teams!” August 5, 2010

I’m going to be last.

Again.

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My wounded soul

writhes like some bisected worm.

Blinking, shrinking in the light,

burned, it  seethes and wants to flee

the feeble weakling shell that’s me.

Subjected to shame,

dejected, I stand,

rejected, alone

and unwanted.

..

Paul Hughes 2010

Gryllus rubens: field cricket August 4, 2010

Match day came and Gryllus rubens felt too sick to play.

He had a rather nasty case of mumps.

I forced his friend, the grasshopper, to stand in for the day,

and so he stood there, shaking at the stumps.

Although he did his very best, he really couldn’t bat.

The other team was quick to take his wicket.

And if there is a lesson to be learned, it’s surely that

forcing grasshoppers to play just isn’t cricket!

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Paul Hughes 2010

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Gryllus rubens – Latin name for a kind of cricket

Our Scientist, Hallowed be thy name! August 2, 2010

Are we happy now?

Now that the last of the fairies is dead?

Now that God and his angels quiver in heaven

and the vicars in black run from new priests in white?

Are you happy now?

No-one cared when they came for the dragons,

the unicorns, pixies and elves.

Nobody fought for the mermaids and goblins,

After all, we wanted to be free!

We would build our own heaven, not God’s,

and the men in white would defeat death on their own.

Why bother to love our neighbours as ourselves?

You couldn’t ring it up on the till!

But now that the men in white come for the meadows,

the ponds and the seas and the rainforests too.

Now that they smother the fields in tarmac

and choke all the skies with their carbon and fumes,

now that they tie us with ropes of their logic

and offer us Nike eternal,

are we happy now?

Are they happy now?

Sometimes, on the breeze, comes the music of fairies

and a faint curl of scent from a long extinct bloom.

Then, if just for a moment, I sense true happiness

and the scowls of the new priests in white.

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Paul Hughes, 2010