The Blind Buccaneer May 30, 2008

I think that my days as a pirate are through.

Where most have one eye patch,  you’ll see I have two!

You think that’s unlucky? Just listen to me,

there’s men in my crew who declare they have three!

Of course I can’t see them, perhaps it’s not true,

for pirates aren’t always the most honest crew

 

I think that retirement would be a relief,

for wrecking my frigate on sandbanks and reefs

can be so distressing, it’s all such a bore.

I can’t see my victims at sea anymore

I call out: “please tell me, is anyone there?”

But nobody answers, they don’t seem to care.

 

Whenever I hasten to hoist up the flag

I’m told that I’m flying my undies or rags

I can’t find my wooden leg, where is my hook?

My parrot has patches too, so he can’t look!

So now I’ll just sit and drink rum at a bar

whilst singing sea-shanties and shouting HA HAARGGHHH!

 

Paul Hughes 2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Onion Boy May 22, 2008

 

Onion Boy juggled and told a good joke

but only made everyone cry

“There must be a way I can cheer up these folk!”

he said with a terrible sigh

“My act is just perfect but still it appears

my sulphurous fumes reduce people to tears!”

but chopped up and pan-fried and turned into soup

our humorous onion brought smiles to the group

 

Paul Hughes 2008

The Rhinoceros May 19, 2008

 

The nose of the rhinoceros

is really quite preposterous

but telling him is dangerous

for he is most cantankerous

 

 

Paul Hughes 2008

The Quest for The Holy Pail May 8, 2008

 

Now lend me your ears and I’ll tell you a tale

of chivalrous beasts from the fields

so listen and learn if our heroes prevail

in searching the world for the one holy pail

equipped with their swords and their shields

their shields

equipped with their swords and their shields

 

 

This pail was the one used by Joseph to feed

the donkey which carried his wife

along into Egypt at such a high speed

away from King Herod, whose anger and greed

endangered Lord Jesus’ life

his life

endangered Lord Jesus’ life

 

 

Awoken one day in their coops, barns and sties

by stomachs which rumbled and moaned

the village resounded with animal cries

“without any breakfast we’ll certainly die!

oh, where is our food-pail?” they groaned

                                               they groaned       

“oh, where is our food pail?” they groaned

 

 

The farmer appeared with a face streaked by tears

and sobbed that the pail had been lost

the animals wept but they all volunteered

to hunt for the pail from Beijing to Tangiers

“we’ll find it no matter the cost

the cost

we’ll find it no matter the cost!”

 

Instructing the blacksmith to fashion their swords

their spears and their armour so bright

they built wooden ships and they clambered aboard

and promising sailors a golden reward

they sailed their ships into the night

the night

they sailed their ships into the night

 

The knights of the animal fleet sailed away

they floated to many a shore

and prayed to Lord God that they might see the day

they’d rest once again in their comfortable hay

and feed from their lost pail once more

once more

and feed from their lost pail once more

 

So listen and hear what took place on their quest

and if they returned safe and sound

be sure that these farmyard braves gave of their best

but was it enough to succeed in their test?

oh, was their dear pail ever found?

ever found

oh, was their dear pail ever found?

 

Sir Graham the Goose landed safely in France

and galloped to Montelimar

when ambushed by bandits he fought with his lance

but could he defeat them? Oh no, not a chance!

so now he is pate foie gras

foie gras

so now he is pate foie gras

 

Sir Bernard the Bull made his way into Spain

but when he arrived in Seville

a wicked man trapped him then wrapped him in chains

and dragged to the bull ring, Sir Bernard was slain

the crowd cheered the matador’s skill

his skill

the crowd cheered the matador’s skill

 

Sir Parsifale Pig sailed away to the East

and ventured through all of Siam

the local folk caught him and had for their feast

his chops, ribs and bacon and last, but not least

they savoured his wonderful ham

his ham

they savoured his wonderful ham

 

The knights of our farmyard tale ended their quest

in bull rings, on menus and plates

we ask you, oh Lord, grant them eternal rest

and treat them with mercy upon their request

to pass through your heavenly gates

your gates

to pass through your heavenly gates

 

You ask of the holy pail: “has it been found?”

why, yes, it was found by the maid

right here on the farm, sitting there on the ground

yes, there, where the chickens are scratching around

my word, what a pointless crusade

crusade

my word, what a pointless crusade!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul Hughes 2008

 

 

 

It’s first draft and I intend to leave it a few days before reading it again and making any changes. Let me know if you spot anything glaring.

 

Thirty Five Eyes and Thirty Five Tears May 5, 2008

 

Yes, the scallop has thirty five eyes!

they are coloured a beautiful blue

what a mess it must make when it cries

I’m so glad that I only have two!

 

 

Paul Hughes 2008

The Counterfeit Kid! May 1, 2008

“The very best of students!”

or so I tell my dad

I trade “A” grades for presents

my parents are so glad

to purr: “our lovely daughter

an angel, no mistake!”

but I’m a master-forger

my grades are just a fake!

but now it’s parents’ evening

my teachers are all here

it’s time that I was leaving

it’s time to disappear!

 

Paul Hughes 2008

 

I’ve just returned from a parents’ evening and wrote this inbetween appointments.